Friday, October 23, 2020


 It's normal to have a variety of dynamics in a family that set off a variety of emotions that results in this one not liking that one. It follows every family.

I've been observing over the last few years. I've helped. I've cried. I've been the glue. I've said no. I've been the shoulder and I've given. I've been thinking about it for a while, about how I gave my all to two people through their illness til their death. I gave up a lot to return to NZ for 6 months before Aunty Marva died. I gave up work and school to see Larry through his last few years and I can say it was all worth it. They were worth it.

I don't want to be the only one that serves at the end of someones life anymore especially when there are family members capable to at least help. I don't want to be the only one who helps anymore.

This is not me being selfish. I just want to take the time to raise my child, create memories and teach her everything I know so that when I die I can die knowing that she is going to be OK without me. I can't do that when I'm looking after adults capable of looking after themselves or turning for help somewhere else before me.

I am reliable, but I am tired.

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