Sunday, August 26, 2018

Wrapping up August

Shaily turned 19 at the beginning of the month. Tyler turned 25 over the weekend. Next weekend we'll celebrate Hub's turning 8 and being baptized.

A few months ago I spoke with someone who told me that I needed to care a little less about what is happening around me and make sure that I'm all in check. I know I've been pretty selfless over the years, but talking with him opened my eyes to just how much.

I got a follow up email last week to see how things were panning out and whether or not I was practicing the new lease on life that he advised. Not to stop caring completely, but to choose carefully where I choose to give aid.

I don't think I've shut everyone off, but I have been home alot more than usual. Maybe it's a combination of winter and work, but I think it's 30% winter and work and 60% caring less.

Take family for example, something happened that sent my family network into a spin. Things got worse, then got better, then got worse again and got better and that was the part that wore me out and made me think Yep, F this.

Not F my family, but F caring. F fighting a battle that isn't mine. F playing the middle man to months long silence in a marriage. F taking sides. F keeping your secrets. F being a shoulder to cry on. F being the one to blame. F hearing something and making it my problem.

So I took a step back from my family a few months ago. I stepped back a bit too far and bought myself back to a safe spot where we can catch each other when we fall, but within reason and with limits.

Things just changed and I withdrew and was suddenly very conscious of the disequilibrium in my family network. Next weekend will be a good start to potentially change how I've been feeling towards participating again as a whole family.

Families are not forever, but they can be.
It has to be fixed and functioning properly here in order to qualify for forever.
That's the most challenging part of life.

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