Thursday, May 31, 2018

Stiddy update

Ain’t nothing stopping him, not even a giant cast on his arm. I still cringe that I have to sleep in the crime scene, but he’s doing just fine after his fall. He went back to daycare this morning after his hiatus, and he didn’t even cry about it. He must’ve missed Aunty Harriett.

FaceTime with Aunty Hubs. She makes him light up every time we call, which is twice a day.

He’s the yummiest.

Sunday, May 27, 2018

First break

The boy came yesterday. His Mum had work and dropped him off just before lunch time. We had lunch, we danced we watched his shows, he pulled everything out of my cupboards, he snacked, he played with Hubs and then it was time for a nap.

Hubs crawls into bed with us when he woke up and they watched his Baby Vuvu video on the iPad.

It was at this point he decided he’d had enough of Hubba and turned to come back to the head of the bed to where I was, but instead of turning right he ventured left .. fell off the bed. His cry was different and I quickly sat up while Hubs picked him up. My bed stands near four feet off the ground and despite he’d fallen off of it several times before, it was never on that side of the bed. Thankful that one semester of nursing school had taught me something, I quickly looked him over and saw the deformity in his right arm.

Our Stiddy broke his elbow. The bottom of his femur was snapped and was flipped making a V shape.

Before surgery.

He got out of surgery late last night. Worst two hours ever. Doctors assured us it was a very common break and there was nothing to it. He’ll be rocking three pins in his arm for 6 weeks and a cast. I still feel bad about the whole thing now and get a lil bit teary eyed, but he is a trooper. That blessing did something ... soon after they put a line in his hand and he was pretty brave about it.

He was released from the zoo this morning and is home again and back to his mischief self. 

Leaving the hospital today we passed Aunty Tashi and Ngawi heading in .. Stiddy and his Uncle Nganz could’ve been roommates.

Thursday, May 24, 2018

Better days.

As my Hubs sings, better days are coming.

She also has strep. 

Monday, May 21, 2018

The Sabbath

A few good things happened today. I got a blog sponsor back. I’ll thank the agonizing last few weeks for that.

I watched about ten minutes of a church broadcast tonight. The bits I caught talked about family and issues that haunt a family too often. I rolled my eyes at the timing of it because it was everything I needed to hear and nothing I wanted to hear, as it is with the church, but I have no regrets for changes made recently and I’m going to follow through with my decisions. 

My new ethos.
Do it yourself, breathe through it and nothing a few custard squares from Serendipity won't fix.

I had a good day with my Hubs and Stiddy.

Also ... very much so love my job and everyone here who, despite in-work politics, are good company.

Monday, May 14, 2018

Mother’s Day

Before I start, let me say Happy Mother’s Day to one and all.

A few years ago, in my ward in the US, I watched the youth hand out flowers to all the mothers in the ward. They missed me because, rightly so, I wasn’t anyone’s mother at the time. I didn’t think anything of it. Then I saw them bypass the sister who had struggled through miscarriage after miscarriage, who had several failed IVF treatments, who had ultimately lost her husband because she couldn’t make him a father.

That’s when I stopped going to church on Mother’s Day. That woman is in every ward, silently struggling with her reality.

During my marriage I was almost a Mother, three times. It’s something that happened that I just don’t talk about, but it too plays a part in my absence at church every Mother’s Day. So it hurt my heart to see that particular sister miss out on her flower that Sunday when she probably deserved them all. Not being an actual mother doesn’t make you any less of a mother and it was a man who told me that.

It was nice to wake up to mothers day messages received during the week and today from the people who matter most. The people who can identify you as a Mother when technicalities say otherwise. 

I got my three back though. Those three have a permanent score on my heart enough to give my all for.
Because I am, if not by default, their Mum.

Monday, May 7, 2018


This post is re: That temple experience I had back in October ...

Long story short .. I went on a handful of dates dinner-outs with Voldemort himself. It’s May now and I’ve decided, I don’t like him that much. I figured that out after the first time, but decided to entertain my curiosity. After each time, despite having known him most of my life, I realised how much I cringed at the sound of his voice, which later turned into just the very though of him.

I don’t know why him. I questioned it for a while then tried it out and have concluded that ... sometimes temple experiences aren’t to be adhered to. There is another reason his name came up in the temple, but it’s reason wasn’t for my initial question. 

Hell to the holy no it wasn’t.

He told me everything that was wrong with me. I admire honesty, but this was across the line rude nearing hurtful. Everything he said of me are all the reasons why he is in the position he’s in today. He will never find his perfect until he understands that he is not perfect himself.

I am revived knowing that someone felt me perfect enough to love me as much as he did.

I’ve spent the last week wondering what I was thinking when I pursued this.

You’ll fish for a few before you find the right catch. I don’t know that Larry was Mr. Right, but at the time everything in life seemed to fit.

I’m too old cry over a dude, especially when the dude isn’t worth the emotional stimuli.

Sunday, May 6, 2018


A few weeks ago I got an urgent message from three aunties, dads sisters, regarding my Nana who was in hospital. I sat on the messages for a few days because I tend to wait til the need is dire. At around midnight one night I picked up my two brothers and we went to the hospital expecting to say goodbye to our Nana. Comments from the family and photos didn’t show a pretty picture and I thought it would all be over for her in a few days time. Family came back from wherever they were to, basically, say goodbye.

Nana bounced back and the last few days have been spent catching up with family members.

Today in church, in a row opposite us, sat my paternal grandfather, two aunties, a cousin and my grandfathers wife, another Nana. If I have been close to anyone on my dads side of the family, it was with my Nana. Me and my siblings were in the first of their grandchildren and the Nana we knew then and the Nana the younger cousins know now wasn’t the same Nana.

Nana we knew was energetic and had a lot of time for us, because there were only ten of us then.

Nana today is tired. The age gap between my oldest cousin and the youngest is about 30 years.

By choice, I limit my time with my dads family. There is no dramatic story behind my reason, it just is what it is, but I’m not going to let my choice determine the time our kids spend with that side of the family because when our kids met their great grand father again today after only meeting him for the first time back when Jazzy died some 4 years ago, they were a little star struck, excited. Not too many can say they met their great grandparents and for our Stiddy boy, his great great grandfather.

So we took photos .. and you can see that the Chinese blood is strong in them all and you can see why when you look at my Pops. 

This one was more to show you what my child decided to wear to church today.

It’s the kids that make the family worth it.

Summer part 2

Nessa envisioned this shoot with my nephew Ellis. They pulled it all together very well. Hubs was supposed to be in it, but got stage fright...