My dream last night was themed around the second coming. I was here at home with some family members and my two Aunties walked up the porch and through the front door. I asked them where Larry was and they told me not to worry, that he was coming.
With the new dynamic in the family now, which only got worse over the last few days, he was who I needed to see even if it was in my dreams. It seemed real, it felt real and for just a moment it was real for me.
You can't un-care when you've cared 100% for so long. In my attempt to try worry about me and mine, I've depressed myself worrying about how I left the dynamic last week, how it got worse over the weekend and how matters got so deep and ugly that I hold huge regret for something that isn't really mine.
Right now I don't know what to say to anyone in my family anymore, but I wish I could spend a day with my Larry. He'd know how to fix me ... even if it was only for a day.
Forever seems so far away today.