Skip to main content

Tender mercies.

I like dreaming and because of the medication I take that has a hyptnotic effect, I always dream. Very rarely are you in my dream and I try to remember as much as I can because I utilise dreammoods.com.

In last nights dream you had gone somewhere suddenly, much like real life, but death wasn't the feeling I got. You had just gone somewhere - back to the USA for work? I tried calling you on your old US cellphone number, but there was never an answer. I decided to write to you in a book and send the book to you. I wrote a paragraph asking where you were, if you were ok and if there was anything I could do to get you back here with me, because I need you.

If you've seen The Lake with Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves, it was a little like that. The message I got back from you was that you were sorry, that you never meant to leave suddenly and that you are always with me. Always.

It's the same message you gave my sister the morning of the 25th.

Sister drove straight down from Auckland the day of the 24th. Since we had you in the lounge of my parents place, I decided to sleep in the lounge right by the coffin and sister joined me on the couch on the other side of the coffin. It was a night where we both kept waking up because the lights kept dimming.

Sister woke up during the night and happened to look over to where I was. To her surprise, there you were sitting at the foot of your coffin, watching me sleep. She told me it scared her and she hid under the blankets and peeked out again to still see you there.

You called her what only you have ever called her. Mrs. Armstrong. In the morning she told me you told her to tell me you were sorry, that you were happy and that you will always be with me. I needed to hear that and prehaps she needed to experience it and not me.

I have to admit. Most nights I lay in bed awake waiting for you to appear, but I know you have better things to do and I know that even though we discussed 'visiting eachother', it would scare the hell out of me.

Eventually you figure out it's a dream when you see yourself in the mirror and you're Alicia Keys.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Super Moon, Te Mata and Ariel.

Last nights Super Moon. Te Mata Peak. Safe to say, Hubbalush loves her Ariel. She's my favorite big sister Mum. (Shame Tyler, Shai, Nessa and Rome) Goodnight Hawkes Bay. Earthquake: I felt it. I got my child up and ran outside onto my concrete porch where I thought it would be safest. The Seismologist on the news the next day said running outside is not a good idea in the event of an Earthquake. Now I know for next time. Hawkes Bay didn't feel the effects of it like Southland did .. and is continuing to do. Over 1000 aftershocks since it all began. Tyler is stuck on the South Island and finishing out their tour, much to my dismay. It's a disaster zone in parts down there and although she's on the skirts of the danger zones, you'd think it professional AND safe to cancel the tour and bring the troop home .. but no. Some stupid doesn't think so. Goodnight.

Kawe Mate.

Recently an Aunty of mine, who is staunch in her Maori culture, talked to me about the protocol of Kawe Mate. Kawe Mate is a custom during the maori process of death that involves taking the deceased memory back to where they were well known or considered home. It's a custom that is basically a gesture of love to family members who weren't able to attend the tangi. My family never practised it at all and I don't think it's necessary to start. I carry his memory in my heart, as does his Mom, that's all that matters. Happy Mothers Day!