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Day 20

We lit a lantern for you a week or so ago. It was an epic fail and almost caught a field of dry grass on fire were it not for Fireman Peter T, who came to the rescue.

It's the thought that counts, but never buy lanterns for $2 and think they'll work like the $15 ones.

The Henry's bought cupcakes. They're fab and the cupcakes were too.

Tyler had her Manu Poi assessment on the 3rd and passed with a B+. Shai has grown taller than her older sister, which is embarrassing on Tylers part considering Shai is only 13 and still growing.

Ti Rakau movements.

I always look for you in sunsets.

Took Hubba to the beach.

She enjoyed the sand with Aunty Tash.

Did not like the breaking waves.

.. and threw a tantrum over your name when I pointed to your name saying "Clarry" and you were not there.

The one thing that is keeping me sane and getting me through my grief is the last conversation we had in the ICU before I walked out and came home. I've been reading experiences about families final moments with loved ones and all the regrets and remorse they had not telling their loved one how much they cared. It builds me up knowing that the last thing I said to you before I told you I love you, was that I thought you were so very brave. I love that. I can live the rest of my life knowing that the last conversation we had was profound enough to make it easier for me to eventually overcome that grief and I'm glad I said it and glad you were aware to hear and appreciate it.

We've been home for a week now. The place is alive with family and Hubba sleeps on your side of the bed as if the spot was reserved for her. She now thinks every graveyard is "Clarry".

We miss you.
Everyday and always, but we are doing ok without you.

Just the night times are hard when she goes to sleep and infomercials come on and there is nothing else to do but think of you.


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