It's been a long sleepless night.
10pm last night Larry came to a decision that he was not going through with the surgery that was set for today. He's not going through the motions to be dialyzed here and he did not want to be treated anymore.
At 4am, I surrendered and emailed our Doctors and Bishop to advise of the decision.
We've paid close to $10,000 in medical expenses just in the last 2 months. $15,000 in the last 6 months and our church recently fitted the $16,000+ bill for the dialysis. All this has been money we did not have initially. It has all been from donated money, money from selling everything we owned and money from family.
When you add the stress of Immigration, lack of work, being partially blind, medical bills and expenses, his health in general and Kurv Studio's owing money, you can understand why someone would "give up".
He is utterly exhausted. He is fed up with being ripped off. He is tired of putting out one fire just to turn and see another one blazing. He is over being a burden and all of these things are understandable and valid.
We don't have the money to pay for more eye surgery. We don't have the money to pay for hospital stays ($600 a night). If complications were to arise from the surgery today, we don't have the money for A&E visits, for treatments needed related to the surgery and for more prescriptions.
He is not giving up. This is him embracing what's ahead and leaving it up to God to decide. We've been told that these trials and tribulations are to test our faith and this is him doing it.
I don't understand his decision completely, but ultimately it is his decision.
Dialysis funding was conditional.
Our church paid for dialysis for 2 months to get him fit enough to travel back to the United States where he could receive it for free, apparently. My US immigration is going to take longer than 2 months to process and the bottom line is that we refuse to be apart.
He does not have the energy to battle through US Immigration again. We can only await a decision from the NZ Immigration and hope it's in our favour. If it isn't, we'll be using what money we have left to file for an appeal and hire a lawyer.
Just when you think you're a strong person, something unforeseen comes along and melts you back down to molt.
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