Tuesday, March 26, 2019

A lil bit hurt.

After a flurry of events, something has happened in my brain that had me googling symptoms to diagnose myself. The closest thing that sounded remotely possible was post traumatic stress syndrome. I read through a few things online and ticked about 7/10 boxes for it. I've never really believed that the condition existed to be quite honest, especially not for something as minute as my issue.

The feeling has been bothering me for days. The event that started it all basically haunts me every day no matter how much I try to get past it, but it's not bringing me lack of sleep, anger nor have I turned to drugs and alcohol - which are the 3 symptoms I didn't tick.

Pondering and doing all the spiritual what-have-you stuff, I came to the conclusion that it's not PTSD at all .. I'm just going through the emotions that come with having a divided family aka. I'm sad.

Getting through it is tricky, because it literally hurts my heart.
When your trust is all but shattered
When your faith is all but killed
You can give up, bitter and battered
Or you can slowly start to build.

Monday, March 25, 2019

First week of Autumn.

She wanted a fringe .. so I cut her a fringe.

WTF moment.

Almost in tears moment.
She actually loved it in the end. It's not straight at all, but she doesn't care. We used the only scissors we could find .. which were probably the biggest pair of scissors we own.

The boy with his camera.

Not sure what they did at school today.

Guessing he's Raphael the Ninja Turtle with Leonardo's binky.

Monday, March 18, 2019


"The skateboard park" for her Sphero.

Mi vida.

Friday, March 15, 2019


They're going to be best friends when he's 18 and she's 24.

Thursday, March 14, 2019

Sunday, March 10, 2019

Where do you find your happy?

Happiness is finding glee in a ribbon, not a device.

Happiness is capturing that glee in a ribbon.

Saturday, March 9, 2019

Birthday brownie.

Wrapped up the birthdays today with a fab sunset and a Countdown brownie.

4 weeks til term 1 is over.
I'm refusing to work during the holidays this year.
I'd rather take the financial loss than spend my holidays at work.

Friday, March 8, 2019

Happy Birthdays

Guess what I got for my birthday?

Osteoporosis in my wrist.
A ride through the hood for his pre-birthday.

A trip to the park.

Birthday trip to the aquarium.
Hub's bunked school to spend the day with us.
Stiddy didn't care about the aquarium.
We lasted 15 minutes in there this time round and he spent most of it running up and down the disability ramp by the fake shark and preserved giant squid.

Aunty Avi came too. She loves her Sti-Boy.

Just like that ... he's 2.

Sometimes my house is off limits, even for visits. You get the few who will brave the challenge and try, but most stay away. This works in my favor.
Today, Rome felt brave.
She came and she conquered with her squad in tow.
Rome is a conqueror.
Tomorrow she will be 11 year old.

And now I'm 40.

Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Day 2292.

Larry would've been 59 today.

The dictionary defines a coincidence as being something that happens by chance or luck. I don't entirely believe that things happen by chance or luck, I think it's a lot bigger than that because some 'coincidences' are life altering. I believe that Spirituality leads us to exactly where we are supposed to be if we listen. It's what puts the fire in your gut that tells you what to do and what not to do and they're all feelings we're supposed to trust.

His birthday being on the 6th and mine on the 8th - the same birth date when you factor in the time difference - was never a coincidence. It was something that we had in common that bought a sense of contentment and a feeling of completeness.

Of love.

Happy Birthday Love.

Monday, March 4, 2019

School camp

For the second time EVER, Hub's has gone away from me for a night. This doesn't include staying with family for a night. She's been excited about the camp all weekend and got up this morning still holding the same spirit, but when it came to dropping her off at school and saying goodbye this morning she began to realize what was going on and asked the principal, "Can my Mum come too?".

Despite the anxiety I'm feeling now, I would not have gone if they paid me.

Taking comfort in Rome, Kiara, Zion, Jaamin and Kavarn all being there with her aswell as Darrell, Leven and Southon - the other cousins.
I know she'll be fine!

I stayed at work 3 hours later than normal tonight so I could hang out with my Mum and avoid coming home to a Hubba-less house.

I'd buy her a pony right now I miss her that much.

Sunday, March 3, 2019

Whaea Les.

Last year at our first staff hui (meeting) with the acting Kaihautu, we had an introduction portion where we went around the table and everyone introduced themselves. We all knew each other already, it was more for the Kaihautu to get to know everyone.

The question she asked was, tell me about you and why you are here.
I said to the table, 'Dead husband, one kid, need money' .. everyone else told their life story.

When it got to my Mum, I was sitting there quite impatient trying to hurry her along with my eyes. What could she possibly say to the room that I didn't already know.

I don't know if any of you know that I had my first baby when I was 16. All I wanted to be was a Mum. I had 5 kids before I was 22. I have no regrets about having kids so young because I grew up with my kids. My oldest is 40 and my youngest is 35. (at the time) Out of my 5 kids I have nearly 20 grand kids and a great grand-son. All I want to be is a Mum and that's why I'm here. My kids are all grown up now and their kids are growing up too. I'm here because all I want to be is a Mum.
She's quite fantastic my Mum.
We often underestimate her and we often disregard her love, but she is the personification of pure love in my life that makes waking up every day worth it. I will go anywhere, as long as my Mum is there with me.

Even a fuselage of snakes on an airplane about to take us down in a fireball of death.

Her voice channels the melody of Heaven.
God's gift and artistry,
everything about her is perfect.
She is the meaning of life.

- Messenger of Love

Saturday, March 2, 2019


Living for Distance by Emily King right now.
What better way to pull yourself from it all and remember that there's someone loving you from a distance ..

Love is always better
When we take time to get back to who we are
When we are apart
Distance makes the heart grow
Even when I'm lonely
Happy knowing that your love is never far
When we are apart
Distance makes the --
... the distance being as thin as a veil.