Wednesday, February 13, 2019

The Ripple Effect

Throw a rock into a pond and what happens?
Ripples form that expand across the water in an increasing outward direction from it's original state.

My parents had a pretty dumb fight about 2 months ago and they haven't spoken since. There have been other incidents involving other family members, but I’m calling their tiff the initial drop that caused the ripple effect.

I've been up and down with my family over the last 3 years for various reasons, but I'm overwhelmed with how complex the ripples have got, especially over the last year.

It's an ugly feeling to hold inside and the feeling is very real  .. like pressure on my chest .. like there is a very large stone sitting, unwanted, between my lungs. Tonight, in particular, it makes me want to vomit.

Two siblings said the F word to my mother today.

She read a text from a sibling a few days ago and the content of that text broke her spirit.

I watched my mother, over the Christmas holidays, constantly give with no return.

My mother is caregiver to two patients who emotionally abuse her ... and they're both family.

I spend most of my shift at work intermittently texting my Mum just to make sure she is OK. Before I come home after a day at work, I drive down to see where she is just to make sure she is OK. When she is on shift at work, I stay up til her shift is over waiting for the text from her to say goodnight, that means she made it home and that she is OK. I live hoping that today my Mum is going to be OK. I do this in conjunction with raising a child and hoping that she too is OK.

My Mum goes to work to find solace from her family.
I don't blame her. It's a good getaway from the ripples.

The ripple effect is so wide spread that I don’t think we can collectively come back from it in one piece.

I love my family very much, but I don't know that the ripples effect them like it does me.
Like it does our Mum.

Gird up your loins; fresh courage take.
Time to let go.
Time to cry and just let go.

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