Saturday, July 20, 2019

Scribbles.

Easily the worst holidays ever this year. I spent two weeks nursing broken hearts and bitter egos. I am looking forward to getting back into the normalcy of work and there are dramas there that will give you the heebie jeebies. Those dramas have been out done by the new dynamics of a divided family.

At the very least we get to leave town for a few days next month to watch Mickey Mouse and his friends parade around on the ice. I am very much so looking forward to that .. more the getting out of town part.

Over the last few weeks I've prayed very little, but my heart had a lot to say. Last night I took the time to think everything through before I closed my day with a prayer. As I began my liaison with the good Lord, images in my head turned to a paper conveyor belt with scribbles/doodles all over it. It moved quickly and it was distracting. It was quite amazing. It continued at full speed through-out the entirety of my prayer and when I came to a close and opened my eyes, it left my head.

Shades of Joseph Smith trying to pray that first time in the grove came to my mind, but it wasn't that at all. It was the unloading of every situation going on in my family right now that needs sorting. I lay in bed for a few minutes and thought ... I'm not the one to fix any of it no matter how much I think I am.

You can't fix something that's wrong with someone else because in two weeks I've tried and it left me with a conveyor belt of scribbles in my head.

That is currently my reality and it's constant and it's everywhere and it hurts.

Thursday, July 11, 2019

Tuesday, July 9, 2019

To new innings.

I was 7 when my parents first divorced. I can say 7 because I know that when I turned 8 my Dad sat in my baptism with a motorbike helmet in his lap and I hadn't seen him for a while prior. That was the only time I remember him being at my baptism. I was too little to understand the lead up to their divorce, but I remember sitting in the car between them wondering why she was crying and why he was yelling. That kind of stuff doesn’t register in a child’s head that something epic is happening that will change the rest of everyone’s lives forever. At least for five of us who were sitting in the car that night.

Life at 7 was simple because the understanding of all that life was and had to offer was put on the back burner for Gem and the Holograms and play.

It became normal that Mum and Dad weren’t living in the same house anymore. I was not aware of the emotions my parents went through to get to that point because I was too little to have that kind of worry. Overtime my relationship with my Dad became different and watching my Mum raise us gave me an admiration for a woman who was now alone with a tribe of young kids.

She found herself again and when an athlete she had a lot in common with came her way, that  relationship became our new normal. Papa Greg became the father figure we lacked, especially so for my sister and I.

Today my parents divorced.

It’s a whole new bag of doritos when you can fully understand what’s going on now and every emotion my Parents feel pangs on my heart strings too. I don’t know if the choice was right, but it was wanted and I respect that.

Once again our lives will change in an epic way, the saddest part is that our kids have to live through what we didn’t understand back in the 80s that night in the car with my parents. 

This one is different.
This one literally hurts.

I drove my Mum to the court house today where they signed their marriage away. I dry heaved all the way home because our new normal began today.

I am sad.
For my Mum.
For my Hubs.
For the change in our lives that I never expected.
😭

Tuesday, June 18, 2019

June

This month has probably been the worst month of 2019, mentally .. and there have been some son-of-a-bitch months this year. This is obvious in the lack of happy family blog posts thus far. It’s been up and down. Changes in the dynamics of a family have been nuclear this half of the year. I'm still weary of who I trust right now, but I love harder than I think and that's a struggle most days.

Work politics make me hate the work place, but it gives me something to do daily.

I am tired.
Tired of work so I'm glad that we're in the last 2 weeks of the term. Tired of the politics there and co-workers who take advantage and make things harder for the rest of us there who are there to do our jobs.

Tired of drama.

Tired of Hubba's school and their approach to anti-bullying.

Tired of a ward that has been sitting on the launch-pad since three Bishops ago.
Tired of the cliques in the ward.
Tired of the indirect judgement.

President Nelson, in a General Conference talk, spoke of the sister in his ward when he was Bishop who struggled with church participation because of the people in it. The cliques. The judgementals. The part-timers. The non-singers. She was ready to quit when he challenged her one day. Her challenge was that when she got to church on Sunday, head straight to the kitchen and fill up a spoon with water and walk around the chapel twice without spilling any water. So she did. He asked her later during church hours if she saw any of the people she complained about, to which she responded, "I was too busy trying not to drop any water from the spoon".

This is why I go to church.
For the water in the spoon.

Two things kept me happy this weekend.
Thing 1 and Thing 2.









Tuesday, June 11, 2019

Happy Winter.

You don't know your own inner strength until you are faced with holding up the strongest person you know.

May June slip away quietly into the pool of distant memories.

Happy Winter Internets.
It's the most wonderful time of the year in the Southern Hemisphere for two reasons.

1. The Cold.
2. Rugby.

Monday, June 3, 2019

Winter is here.

Happy June Internets.
There's been a lot of death in the rohe lately. There's been a lot of reflection. There's been an abundance of red in the community, but the church is true.

New Zealand's second temple site was announced a few weeks ago when the Prophet did his Pacific tour. It's close to my sister's house voiding the Hamilton temple for us because of accommodation.

We're wrapping up a long weekend in the country where we observed the Queen's birthday. The only Queen that is worth mentioning is my Mum, who was 60 on Saturday. We drove to Auckland to spend the weekend with sister and her family. We had a birthday dinner on Saturday and beat the snow home on Sunday. A good, but quick break away.


Today we chilled.
Tomorrow is work again.
4 more weeks til Term 2 is over.
It's been the worst term yet.

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Wacky Work Wednesday

I wish I could tell you all about work, but I'd probably get fired.
This week I hate my workplace because of some of the people in it. 😠

My view from the couch after a crap day lifted my wairua.

Click it to view it in it's entirety.

Two more days of work til the weekend.
15 more days til Queens birthday weekend aka. holiday weekend.
50 more days til Term 2 is over. 

Saturday, May 11, 2019

Saturday at Ocean Beach.

Enjoy.
I don't know who these two are, but it made a great shot.

Avi & Hubs.



















Thursday, May 2, 2019

The Twins.

It's hard to believe they're 17 today.

I thought they were going to grow up to be monsters, but they're two of the most perfect gentlemen I know! Kudo's to their crazy Mum.

There are 4 sets of twins in my immediate family .. but we're outdone by the whanau who have two sets of twins and two sets of triplets in the motu.
Ra Whanau Mofos.

Monday, April 29, 2019

Kura.

9 weeks till the end of the term.
I am glad this term isn't 11 weeks long like the last term.

Toying with the idea of sending Hub's to one of the local Maori boarding schools in the area. It's still 5 years away from that happening, but I'm leaning towards it if for anything, for the experience.

From these two videos .. I am very much so basing it on 1. The better song 2. The better uniform and 3. The better performance, which is a dumb thing to do when you want to invest in 4 years of High School for your child.
I know this.

I prefer Hukarere because they're the sister school to Te Aute: my workplace.
I prefer not to go with Hukarere because they're the sister school to Te Aute.

5 years to decide.
Maybe, by some miraculous reason, they'll bring CCNZ back, however, can't say I liked that place a whole lot either.
I also want to pull Hubba from her current school, but convenience stops me.

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Happy Easter

Didn't forget about Easter and the sacrifice and chocolate.
While I was sitting at the piano during sacrament, I listened to the speakers talk about how Christ bled from every pore. This pointed me to Leviticus 17:11. Basically, blood is life and without it, there is simply no life. Blood is required in order for the wages of sin to be paid.

As humans, we like to self-atone.
When we do something bad we try justify it with something, essentially covering it up and saying it will be OK.

Adam and Eve did the same thing.
When they partook of the fruit they suddenly realized they were nude in the garden of Eden so they covered themselves with leaves to hide the shame of being nude. Didn't work out for them, they knew when God eventually showed up that he knew that they knew that they were naked. So God sacrificed an animal, blood shed, to make them clothes from the animal skin so they would no longer be naked and ashamed. This is an example of atoning .. as early as Adam and Eve.

Sin is not vanquished when you think it's concealed.

Happy late Easter Internets.

Monday, April 22, 2019

Sunday-Monday

Last week of the school holidays. These holidays have been pretty fantastic.
We gave the feijoa chutney a run on Sunday for lunch.
Worked nicely with the smoked Kahawai.

Took a drive around the hood to see what there was to offer. Found a new feijoa spot closer. Their feijoas are way better than the normal spot .. which I can now disclose as being Southland Rd the rural end heading south, they offer Apollo feijoas. The new spot offers a different species, probably Kakariki, because they're super sweet. The difference in taste is like comparing a granny smith to a pacific rose apple.

Stopped at Hub's school and picked some of their apples from their trees. I'm not sure that these are granny smiths, but my Mum thinks they are just because they're green.

Prime Limes is 3kms up the road from us. I never knew about the place until yesterday. I went looking for feijoas at the farm just after it and spotted the sign for limes. Pretty sure their limes are Tahiti limes, I much prefer key limes, but Tahiti is closer to NZ than the Florida Keys so ....

Also went to the local garden at our marae and picked a bunch of what I think are Anaheim peppers and also green capsicums.

Made apple sauce. Hate apple sauce, but I'm pretty sure I'll eat it when the zombies come.


The new feijoas over ice-cream.

Bottled these with lime and olive oil. Gave them a nice water bath and I'll see how that works out for me after a few months in the pantry.




The last two days has bought 6 jars of feijoas, 2 jars of apple sauce, 2 jars of the lime peppers in olive oil. I also froze 3 bags of the new feijoas and made 2 liters of chicken bone broth using the capsicums with an array of other flavors.

I'm trading 4 can's of feijoas with an old school friend who has his own self-sufficient life style block in Hamilton. He want's my feijoas and I want his raw honey.

For real. It's essential to be prepared.
It's made me frugal. I now keep and freeze vegetables cut-offs so I can make bone broths.