Friday, September 30, 2016


I'm always the one that plans the family gatherings. Some have turned into rituals with a purpose of strengthening that bring a sense of belonging and keeps us away from cultures of the world that pull families apart.

The glue.
I have always considered myself the glue of my family.

Gatherings and traditions evolve overtime, which leads to a counteraction. Nothing is fluid anymore. What once worked doesn't. Pressure builds and something just happens.

The dynamic changed in my family yesterday. Something little that started, probably when I got home years ago, that finally switched completely and I decided to walk out on my family .. right after dropping an F-Bomb that was basically for everyone.

I came home, packed a bag and put my child in the car and drove to Hamilton with no money and enough gas in my car to get me there and back, if I coasted, this side, down the Napier Taupo roads. My intention was to book a $25 room at the Temple motel, because I definitely needed Jesus yesterday, but I wound up at Shaily's boyfriends house and unloaded to his mother who I met three times in my life.

The gist of it was that my family pissed me off so I drove to Hamilton.

Don't overestimate the power of glue. It becomes compromised when heat is applied.

A sleepless night at my temporary shelter only made me angry. I cancelled my cellphone number twice. Went through and blocked everyone on my contact list and undid it twice. Almost posted an F%#$ You Facebook post and considered moving to Perth.

On my tiring quiet drive home, I decided what I actually needed was a hiatus from being the glue in my family. I need a moment to appreciate them again and be appreciated in return.

Enough time to remind myself that I bleed too.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

School holidays.

I changed my mind about school holidays yesterday.
I like it when school is in.
Hub's spent the night at my parents house with the rest of the troop of monkeys. All went well and I slept in till 10am.
10am. It was the greatest thing ever.
Went for a ride to town to find Aunty Mitchy so we could give her two kids. Failed.

The Bebs.

Hubs and Avi.

With Rome.

With Jeston.

She's a gun crawler now.

Ayla and Hubba.
Ayla cries alot.

Thursday, September 22, 2016


I had an epiphany last week at church when I played during sacrament. There are 3 pianists in the ward and I'm one of them. After listening to my grandmother play Come, Come ye Saints with a carnival variation to it, I decided it was time to get over myself and utilize my talent by doing something in my top 5 fears. Public playing.

I tremble so much when I play the piano that it makes me bang the wrong notes all the time and when I hit a wrong note, it kinda all goes downhill from there - in my head anyway.

On Sunday I asked myself, 'Self, what is WRONG with you? These people raised you, you were raised with these people, you are helping raise these people and you're STILL chicken?'.
Myself had a point.

I've never played my piano so much, as I have done in the last week, since I've been home - 7 years. I've played it so much even Hubba moans when I open the varnished lid and get down with ebony and ivory and if you're my neighbors, those midnight hymns by candle light are a bonus of living next door to Beyonce me.

Mum, who's going to play the piano when you have no fingers?
Why will I have no fingers?
I'm going to chop them off with a pencil sharpener if you keep playing at nights.

Learn to play you will, young padawan. Learn to play you will.
And thus, we started again tonight and after an hour of black keys, there were no tears.

PS. To the community at large. I do not want to teach your children to play the piano. It's ok for me to grit my teeth at my child and whisper like Satan during piano lessons because she forgot where middle C was, probably won't fly with yours.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Term 3 ends in 2 days.

Ever since Hub's has been in school, I've never loved the school holidays so much. Working at the school doesn't help. I enjoy Fridays and Saturdays when I don't have to work and dread Sunday through Thursday. I am going to enjoy the holidays too.

Does she or does she not look like Audrey Hepburn?

Promise photos of Hub's in the school holidays.
It may seem I neglect her for Avi, but I don't.
Most times.

Monday, September 19, 2016

Ngati Kahungunu Kapahaka Festival 2016

Bridge Pa School.
Sorry .. biased and only took photos of our kids.

I'm cringing at this photo, because it's Rome's best shot (she kept looking the other way) and it's blurry.

Glad today is over.
After basketball tomorrow, which I might hand over to The Livians, I'm having a break for the rest of the week.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

3rd Birthday cake.

Hub's 3rd birthday cake ... because Livian is home this week.

The Avis.
We should have got her a cake too because she's 8 months today.
She had frosting.
It's the same.

Primary Presentation

Anxious all week about the primary presentation. I had a stake assignment at the same time and had to practice my free agency and decide which needed me most. What I hate most about playing the piano is that when I make the smallest mistake, I think everyone is laughing at me. I told myself to get over that today while I sat and played during ALL of sacrament. I know it's a talent I don't utilize enough, but it's also a fear that I just can't deal with.

If you're ignorant to the practices in Mormonism, Primary Presentation is when all the kids take over sacrament meeting and bore you to death speak on the topic of the year. They also dress in white just to make it seem a little more angelic.

Hubba refused to wear the silvery shoes I put out for her. She thought her red cowgirl boots were much more appropriate. I figured, if you argue on the Sabbath it's going to end in swear words, possibly blasphemy.

She wanted to know that her hair didn't make her look moronic.
She should've looked 3 feet south at her feet.

Happy 8 months to my AviAvs!

And to end this on a note opposite to positive.
To the Saint who walked her primary class through the middle of mothers, who weren't even having a conversation with each other, this afternoon proclaiming 'gossips' to the open air ...
... Stay classy.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016


Caved and replaced my broken camera. For some reason I thought the xTi and the xSi were one in the same camera and hit buy now on Trade Me thinking all my batteries and grips would fit.
It was not so and it made me cringe because now I need more batteries for the new one and I have 8 for the broken one.

Took it out for a test drive.
8 month old AviRavi.

Team Takitimu - Bridge Pa Basketball.

A Hubs action shot.

Let me tell you how much I hate going to basketball.
VERY much.
Enclosed spaces make me a little neurotic. People standing or sitting too close gives me anxiety. Add in the smell of feet and sweat, it's yuckotastic. It's why I can't do sports games and concerts. I can barely stand being in church sitting close to my family.
It makes me panic and sweat.

The End.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

7 years.

I didn't forget.
How could I ever forget.
She was my every day and always.

Miss her mucho.

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Rainbows and cleaning.

Mum there's a rainbow outside.
Did you know that in the book at school, it says that at the end of the rainbow there's a pot of gold.
We should walk to the end of the rainbow Mum. We can have all the gold in the pot.
There's no pot of gold.
What is there then?

Dirt for the lilies.
That bloody lying book.

Hubba!! Come in here RIGHT NOW and clean your room! No TV! No iPod!
Ok Ok!
Put your shoes away!
Put everything back on the drawer!

Make your bed!
Move your toys!

Pick up ALL your washing and put it in the basket!
Why are there cornflakes in your kinetic sand!?!?

And hang up all your jackets!!!!

OpShop bargain of the day.
A brand new silk tripod for $5.
Normal price, $60 NZD.


Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Camera unload.

Locally grown limes.
My life is complete.


I'm not sure what she was doing here, but it probably wasn't anything good.

Avi and her cousin AJ today. She tried to beat him up and he took it like a real gentleman.

He can crawl, has 4 teeth and is walking along the couch.
Avi is nearly crawling, no teeth and gets angry when you don't pick her up.

But is she not the cutest monster EVER.

Since my DSLR broke, I've lost my mojo with photos. I really need to replace the camera, not necessarily upgrade, but replace it and I will eventually. Until then .. I'm still mourning my broken camera.

Summer part 2

Nessa envisioned this shoot with my nephew Ellis. They pulled it all together very well. Hubs was supposed to be in it, but got stage fright...