Wednesday, January 28, 2015

US of A.

Tyler is touring North America next month with her school dance group. She'll be gone for four months. Lately I've been toying with the idea to meet her at the end of the journey and see it out with her, but it makes me shiver when I think about it.

I love the USA and I would move back there in a heart beat and live the rest of my life on her shores if I had a certain American with me, otherwise, the mere thought of revisiting the place solo makes me a little ill. My Mum wants me to go back one last time, just to get it out of my system, but I'm not sure I can.

Just last week I started sleeping with the laptop off and no radio going. It took 790 days for me to get to that point of comfortable. I watched Aunty Hop die. It was unpleasant and I told Aunty Marva that I never want to see that ever again. I like to think she took that into consideration when she died. I was due at the hospital that morning, but something told me not to go and I waited a few hours. She passed during that time. When sharing the story with Larry, I think he too took it all into consideration and did the same. It's something I'm pretty appreciative for, but it didn't stop me from getting the spooks in my own home when night falls.

That feeling has passed, but the feeling of going to the USA with 10 years of memories in my back pocket still gives me anxiety. I had the same issue here too. I couldn't go up to Te Mata Peak for about a year because that's where we had our last date.

I liken it to salt on wounds. Too many great memories that are perfect the way they are. It would be eerie for me to go to Fuddruckers without him. I do miss the California sunsets, but I'm glad for 10 years of photos that keep it's beauty fresh.
Ventura, CA.

3 comments:

Melissa said...

Would coming to boise count? Or to make the closure work its have to be ca? Probably right? I'm telling you man nothing's going on in boise. It's safe.

Ariel Shultz said...

dude, come visit!!! we'll go to portland, its the best! and i've been alot of place on earth. COME ON!!!!!!!! or we could chill over here on the island, we could take you around the peninsula and stuff. if you come at the end it would be legit sprint time and we could even hit up canada!! DO IT!

also, where is tyler touring?

CamillaS said...

I'm thinking about it ... truly I am!