Tuesday, June 10, 2014

1:33am.

Talked to Tyler tonight on the phone for 102 minutes. We talked about everything and anything.

When Larry died, I spent 2 weeks at my Mums and slept in a room with her and Shaily close by. When my Mum told me it was time to go home, they both came with me for another 2 weeks. When I had to let Shaily go back to school, Tyler moved in.

For the first year, I slept with the TV on, lamp on, laptop on and a radio on. I didn't want to hear my thoughts. I'd pray every night and ask for him to come to me in my dreams, just for a moment. Up until last week, I only dreamed of him three times.

Since his death .. I eventually turned off the TV, the light, switched the laptop to an energy saving setting where the monitor flicks off after a few hours and I turned the radio down. I can lay in bed now without the noise because time has filled in the void.

For the last 4 nights, he's been in every dream. Talking and laying in bed together, standing in the kitchen together, sitting on the couch talking, watching him walk around the house - all in my dreams. He's saying something to me in every dream, but I can't hear him and that doesn't matter. It's just general conversation and hindsight that love is still here. My grandmother has been dreaming of him too lately.
She told me, 'I think Larry was walking around the yard the other day'.
Like a fool, I went looking.

Sleep escapes me.