When someone you love dies, the last thing you want to do is get rid of things that belonged to them. It's been that way for me. I've slowly let go of things over the last 3 months, but one thing I couldn't do was wash pillow cases and sheets because your scent was still in them.
When I first came back into the house, 2 weeks after you left, I slept with the lamp and TV on all night with Radio ZB blarring from the iPod dock. I did this because quiet time always made me think and thinking always led back to you and I hate thinking about your last few days. This leads me to thinking up things I could have said or wondering if there were things I said that I wish I hadn't. It all led to sadness.
Overtime, I turned the light off and left the other 2 on.
Last night I turned the TV off and lay in bed waiting for all those thoughts to come to me. They didn't. The only thought that came to me, in your voice, was:
"Mills, you seriously need to wash these sheets. It's been 3 months".
So I did.
The great thing is .. you must have always smelled like Surf laundry detergent and clean linen, because they still smell like you.
I still listen to ZB.
It's the only thing that reminds me at night that I'm not the craziest person in NZ. The weirdos come out at night and ring talkback.
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