Saturday, December 1, 2012

One week makes one weak.

It's been a week. It's getting easier despite people telling me the hardest part is yet to come. Maybe the hardest part is when I actually come home to sleep. I haven't done that yet, but with aids, sleep has gotten better. Tyler and Shai never leave my side. One is always with me, but this will change next week when Shai goes back to school after taking the week off.

A week ago my heart broke. I don't cry anymore. My eyes only water when I think about how I felt when I first discovered you had gone.

My plan?
Not nursing.
We had talked about this and you thought it was a good idea. I was only doing it for you, but thinking about it this week, I don't think I'll be able to be the person to tell family members that their loved one has passed when I know I'm going to carry that feeling around with me for the rest of my life. Our passion was always Art, and that's the road I'll take after the last lot of school papers.

Jasiah fell off the balcony edge and cracked his head open on Tuesday.

I miss you, more than anything, but I know now that the reason we came home to New Zealand was because my support system was here and they're the ones to help me through the rest of my Earth life without you.

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