Thursday, December 8, 2016


I remember going to my Mums after school and seeing four home made pizzas on the counter top with instructions for my two older brothers on what they needed to do to heat them. She'd always set the temperature on the oven, all they had to do was put them in and flick on the main oven switch. She was at work after school and would get home between 7 - 8pm to at least one upside down pizza on the floor of the oven.

I watch my sister and her ways of Motherhood. Her older kids come in from school in the afternoons, hang their back packs up on the dining room chairs specifically assigned for their bags, remove their lunch boxes from their bags and place them in a spot they know is for their lunch boxes. They know that bedtime is at seven-three-oh but still fight for an hour from their bedrooms about how it's bedtime.

I watch Mitchy and her ways of Motherhood. Mitchy turns the internet off alot, much to the trepidation of her offspring. She doesn't like to cook because it's likely 1. Nan already fed two of them 2. They've already raided the school lunches or 3. It's 9pm and they've finally decided they're hungry and she was tired three hours ago.

I picked up pieces from them and applied them as best I could.

Hubba has a hook by the back door reserved for her bag. She never hangs it up and she never takes out her lunch box like I ask her too. There are notices from her teacher sitting at the bottom of her bag since September that she just forgot to give me. She never makes her bed in the morning like I ask her to and lately all she wants to eat are pies and microwaved scrambled eggs.

Hubba moans because everyone else in the whole world gets the internet, but not her. Hubba moans when I watch an hour of news at 6pm claiming, the best part was coming up on Sponge Bob, then sits in a huff for an hour.

So tonight ... when she went to bed and all the brittle was gone .. I sat down and got luxurious because I was alone.

I had myself creamy garlic pasta with shrimp and spring vegetables with whole wheat bread and 89cent sparkling lemon soda from The Warehouse. 6 minutes in the microwave and I had myself a meal fit for a Queen and it didn't even matter that it only had 2 pieces of shrimp in it, because I got it from Watties staff sales, I was able to eat it like how I tell Hubba not to eat food lest she look like a piglet.

It's impossible to be the perfect mother because an honest mothers mantra should be "F this".
Every night.

Peanut Brittled Out.

Today I made peanut brittle.
All day I made peanut brittle.
I went in to town then came home and made peanut brittle.
I went to work and came home and made more peanut brittle.
All the peanut brittle has gone.

I do like making it. It's a scientific affair when you make it and I tried to master it without the candy thermometer today, but there were so many batches of the stuff that I forgot to time everything. I did learn a trick though. People had been asking, in the years I'd be making it, why it wasn't burnt sugar dark. I decided the recipe, that called for a max of 300°F on the candy thermometer, was incorrect. You have to let it burn a little longer to get the color and the true hard crack stage. It's probably more 310 - 315°F. I had success at 312.

I'll do it again in a few days.

Monday, December 5, 2016

No ears Avi.

Avi ... don't touch that!

Nooooooo .. don't touch!

Naughty! Don't touch! Smack?

Avi: You ain't gon do sheeeeeitttt. I smack you!

Hubba saved the glass key bowl.
Avi protested.

That giganto christmas stocking, $10 from KMart by the way, holds all her gifts in for Christmas because wrapping that ish up is like paper cut heaven.

Aaradhna knows.

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Hello December.

First day of December = The Advent Calendar.

Tyler had her Manu Poi assessment at school on Friday.
The whole thing was amazing. I was very moved by it all.

After assessment.
She got an A+ by the way.
I made my Mum come with me to it. She said Friday was a good day for her.
Two things made her proud that day.
1. Tyler
2. The red lights on her Christmas tree.
That's balance.

Avi stayed the night last night. I'm pretty sure she hates Hubba because Hubba loves her too much and always wants to cuddle her. Hubba wasn't allowed give me a cuddle goodnight last night.
Hubba wasn't allowed to sleep in my bed with us and Friday nights Hubba knows she's allowed to sleep with Mum. Hubba wasn't allowed to help her when she fell over.
Hubba is glad she is not staying tonight.

12 hours of sleep and looks this cute at wake up.
She's a fat ball of delicious .. and a little bit of agro.
Mitchy commented yesterday that she doesn't understand why Hubba and Avi are so white compared to her other kids. I told her it was because they were both supposed to be mine.

I miss California this time of the year. New Zealand is so bland with it's Christmas celebrations and the best thing we have in town is the huge Santa statue on top of the New World Supermarket. He's been around since as early as I can remember.
I think he's the same Santa that Fantasyland use to rock when it was open.

This month is going to be a good one.

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

PhotoShop and dead peeps.

Let me tell you about how I recently applied for a job at a local Mortuary because they needed someone advanced in Photoshop. Did not get the correlation at first until I did some research via their website to see that funeral programs and heavily pictured obituaries are offered as a part of their service to take care of departed loved ones.

I applied right away. Sent in my resume and portfolio. I was able to tick a few more of their boxes like, competent in Microsoft Office and a list of Adobe products. Had a phone interview last Thursday and was asked a bunch of questions about empathy and was emailed a few case scenarios and how I'd work my way out of them.

Pretty sure I was secured the job when I received the list of duties and given a start date of mid-Jan. Read through three pages of duties and was feeling quite happy with myself.

It was that easy.

Then I got to the bottom of the list.
  • Late night closing.
  • Final check and securing of the cold chambers.
What's a cold chamber you ask?

Not in your wildest fricken dreams.

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Where are we going?

Read a blog online a few months ago about planning family holidays. Since there's only two of us, basically, I thought it would be easy and started to 'plan' the same day I read the blog. I had used before and knew that they take bookings and you don't have to pay until the end of your trip. I thought this was awesome, until I realized that planning 4 holidays for all of next year quickly added up to a little under 5k- round trip.

Decided quickly that the blog I read only gave me one useful advice.
Plan ahead.

When we were in California, we'd head to Ventura once a month to get away. We could back then. We had the time and finances to do it on a whim. Now and again we'd head the other way to Vegas and stay in Primm, NV where the hotels, back then, were $16 a night and not a mattress in a carpark as you'd expect for that price.

The best I've done in NZ was when Larry's niece came a few months ago and we stayed in a fancy hotel in Auckland. Totally made me broke for the rest of the month, but I had a good time.

Spent my sick weekend looking up cheap places around the country that I could take Hub's to at the end of every school term. I looked up accommodation and the cheapest I found was basically a tent in the middle of no where for $10 a night. Kept planning.

A few points I learnt during my weekend research is to plan ahead. Plan all your holidays ahead. So I penciled in on my calendar for 4 get-aways. The next was to budget for it. I've spaced them 10 weeks apart (end of the school term) giving me 10 weeks to save for the next trip. 10 weeks is ample time to put money away for a get away. Next I picked where I'd go and the Ventura thing came back to mind. We went to Ventura because we knew Ventura. We knew the price of Ventura and we knew where to eat in Ventura.

So I confirmed when we're going, where we're going and roughly how much it's going to cost for a weekend get-away times four. If there is nothing to do when we get there, that's ok because getting creative is free. eg: being chased through a paddock by sheep.

Saturday, November 26, 2016


I've been sick for days.
As per usual, people came to visit when I didn't want them to.
I've had no visitors all week and they all come when I'm sick and just want to be in bed.
They even bang on my window and shout "I know you're home" until I get up.
The downfall of living here.
Really want to invest in a 6-foot fence and a security gate.

We put up our tree tonight. I wasn't digging the blue this year so I let Hub's hang the whites and we'll get some gold during the week.

Thursday, November 24, 2016


Sometimes I sit in church and think ...

It sucks that I'll never get to hear him bless the sacrament again.
It sucks that I'll never get to hear him speak again.
It sucks that I'll never get to feel the power in when he was given a new church assignment again.

... but I quickly remember that I will and I did. What's more powerful than knowing you've done what you came to do on Earth and that your life was in complete order and ample to be called back to the presence of God?

The power in that alone is enough to bring fulfillment where grief should be.

Nothing has changed. He is still here.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Thanksgiving 2016.

Had it a day early this year. Thanksgiving for us is actually remembering the day Larry died, which happens to be on the actual Thanksgiving Day this year. There's a lot of things I'm thankful for in him and so the name fits the reason and it's pure coincidence that it occurred around Thanksgiving time. It's the American in Amaorican.

Typically I invite a few people aside from the circus, but I changed the day and they couldn't make it.

Tomorrow Ngawi has surgery.
I wanted him and his parents to be with us tonight.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Monday, November 21, 2016

2017 - No Drama.

November is always sad for me, did not realize it would suck this much by the end of it. The Boaties visit last week took my mind off of things, but it's a new day today and there's a new drama to add to the list November has bought me.

I wrote in my actual diary at the beginning of the year. "Make 2016 just about my house hold". My problem is, I love my family too much to stay away, stay out of it and not offer support where needed. By November, I've bumped heads with too many people and only after talking with Mitchy yesterday did I decide, it's time to just not care. A hard thing to do, but an essential thing to do, for my own emotional well being.

A few years ago a close family member got in trouble legally and at the worst time during Larry's health issues, accused me of "narking". For real .. while my husband slowly died, I had time to nark someone out for something I had no idea of. That family member accused me twice. Larry told me to cut them off. They weren't welcome in our home, I walked by them in the street and when they wanted something, and they always did, I turned them away. It took me 6 years to completely cut that person off and the reason it took that long was because deep down inside, I knew the church taught that families are the most important people in your life.

November taught me that family will be the first to kick you when you're down. To bite your hand clean off when you feed them. November showed me what loyalty really means.

I love them all, but some of them are bastards fricken nuts.

Unless it involves me directly now, I do not care anymore. I will not care.
November was experience enough for me to sever more ties for the benefit of my own sanity.

Families will still be together forever, but if you're gonna be a dick on Earth, it will be that long before I make contact again.

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Can't go a day without my Avis.

Wrapped up the evening at The Livians with fireworks and goodbyes and moochies from Aviliscious.

A taste of summer.

Met up with The Farmers out at Waimarama. Ariel's last day in Hawkes Bay today before she heads back up to Auckland tomorrow and to the US of A early Monday morning. We fit in some last minute stuff today. They checked off the Hawkes Bay basics.

1. Rush Munroes Ice-Cream
2. Te Mata Peak
3. Fish n Chips
4. Silky Oak Chocolate Factory
5. Fancy McDonalds
6. Dominoes Pizza and it's atrocious pizzas.
7. Waimarama
8. Napier
9. The fancy new KMart.
10. The Circus (Family)

Tyler also arrived home late last night from her three week rendezvous in Te Waipounamu. Dreading tomorrow for Hubba's sake.

It's been a good week.
I've come to know my husbands first born much better in the last 6 days than I ever did in the 16 years I've known her. It's bought closure I didn't know was needed and blossomed a relationship that was long overdue.